Hey guys. Just a quick update.
Turns out Mario has a new favorite website, check out the video it see what it is 
Looks like Plus XP has a pretty stable fan base now.
Garv
Archive for the 'Humor Post' Category
29
Aug
10
Mario’s New Favorite Website
You may remember a week or so ago an article I wrote about how Plus XP has developed and how we got to where we are today. You may also remember that article mentioning how rubbish I thought my writing was back then. This got me thinking, I had some good points back then, so I have chosen to revisit those points and write about them, now I have a bit more writing skill under my belt I may be able to write something which makes sense.
Continue reading ‘Post Revisited: Why Bother With A Title’
28
May
10
Tits, Ass and Gaming.
A guide to modern day suffrage for the female gamer
I am not a Bra burning feminist or a nun. My childhood role model was Lara Croft and given the choice between short shorts or jeans the skimpier option will always win with me. For years I have enjoyed titles such as Soul Caliber, Tekken and Street fighter where my chosen character for somewhat unfathomable reasons frequently chooses a bikini as their prime outfit for combat, and it has never phased me. To put it more simply I am a modern kind of girl who is certainly not so fragile that I risk fainting every time a half clothed woman features in a game. Considering all of this it took a while for me to realize why the release of Bayonetta upset me so much, but the fact remains it did and when I get upset I don’t often get upset quietly…
Study the impossible face to breast ratio...I said look at the face too....Oh never mind!
Continue reading ‘Tits, Ass and Gaming.’
Disclaimer: The interviews for Inside Look are the ideas of the Plus XP Team ONLY and are not the ideas of the creators and developers of the games. All characters interviewed in Inside Look remain the property of the video game developers and creators. Basically we are sorry if we took your characters guys, we promise we’ll give them back.
Continue reading ‘Plus XP’s Inside Look Episode 8: Gordon Freeman’
The MCM Expo in London is famous for its cosplay. This time last year I was shamefully unaware of this fact, and strangely enough it was ten minutes in Canning Town tube station which enlightened me. Traveling into the city was surreal on that crisp October morning. As I stepped off of the train to make my change for the Jubilee line I felt like I had entered a different world. The usual depressing reality of the dark dusty station was met by the color and vibrancy of the eager MCM crowd. The noise and color of the crowd created a stark contrast to the usual suit clad business men on their way into the city for work and I walked the length of the platform was met by an army of colorful characters from all times, places and realities. To my right a group of frilly Lolitas stood talking excitedly about the day ahead, Mario and Luigi were leaning against the wall drinking star-bucks and in the distance the cast of Kingdom hearts stood arguing about directions at the tube map. It was at this point that I realized how important the cos-play is to the mcm Expo. The usually heavy atmosphere of the station was now light and optimistic. The noise of the trains almost drowned out by the excited crowd on their way to the Excel. It may have just been the event itself which created this atmosphere of excitement and optimism but I couldn’t help feeling that the costumes and humor of the cos-play was also having something to do with it.
Continue reading ‘What is your Cosplay personality?’
Disclaimer: The interviews for Inside Look are the ideas of the Plus XP Team ONLY and are not the ideas of the creators and developers of the games. All characters interviewed in Inside Look remain the property of the video game developers and creators. Basically we are sorry if we took your characters guys, we promise we’ll give them back.
Welcome to this weeks Inside Look and this week I am on the sofa with non other than Ken Masters from the ever so popular fighting series Street Fighter.
Garvaos: Welcome to the show Ken and how are you today?
Ken: Can’t complain, Still kicking every ones ass as per usual.
Garvaos: That’s….Good to hear. So Ken you have been fighting for a number of years now, yet you still look as youthful as you did in the first street fighter. Tell me, what is your secret?
Ken: Youthful? Back in the Street Fighter one days I was as this as I could possibly get, as were all the fighters as a matter of fact, Now a days we have thickened out, its as if another dimension has been added to us. But so long as I am still kicking butt, I don’t care.
Garvaos: I see… Well at least it doesn’t get in the way of your fighting. Talking about fighting I have always wandered, your best friend Ryu who you trained with is a pure bread Japanese man and so is you trainer Gouken. As your an American Mr Masters don’t you find it some what hard to understand what the hell they are saying?
Ken: Why do you think in the latest street fighter I am always using the fire Shyroken? I mean I generally get the gist of what they are saying but when I was training with them it was mainly copy what they are doing and hope it works. I then perfected my Shyroken to be the most bad ass move in my arsenal, now I can’t stop using that flame uppercut because quite frankly, it is awesome.
Garvaos: That does explain Ken I must say. Have you ever tried coming up with your own fighting style?
Ken: pffff Hell no. I mainly come to each tournament to beat up Ryu. I act like I am all friends with him but at the end of the day I just like to Shyroken his ass.
Garvaos: You really do like that fire punch don’t you?
Ken: It gets me out of sticky situations. If in doubt just keep doing it till you hear the KO. Saying that, I am never sure where that guys voice who shouts KO comes from. I mean I am there beating the crap out of a guy, then from out of no where a voice shouts KO! And things go into slow mo for a couple of seconds. Happened to me in a bar once. I accidentally elbowed a guy in the face and it happened….weird
Garvaos: yyyeeessss…. Well moving on. Are you excited about the Super Street Fighter IV release at the end of this month?
Ken: Hell Yeah, Ten more fighters to beat up, How can you not love that? It’s good to see some old faces like Cody and Dee Jay. Not sure about this Juri character though. I met her a couple of times. The way she keeps licking her lips. I think she has the hots for me.
Garvaos: Isn’t she some sort of Evil psycho?
Ken: I know how hot is that?!
Garvaos: You do have a point there. But arn’t you just a little creeped out by her eye?
Ken: That’s her best bit!
Garvaos: I’m not going to even ask what you plan to get up to there…
Ken: Well….
The picture then goes silent with a the words EXPLICIT CONTENT flashing on the screen in red righting. In the back ground we see Ken doing all sorts of explicit thrusting and licking moves and a very petrified looking Garvoas. The picture then returns with Ken sitting on the sofa with a cheeky smile on his face, and Garvaos just vacantly staring into space.
Ken: Oh common man, don’t tell me you wouldn’t?…..ummm Dude?
Garvaos then slowly falls off the couch and face plants the floor. The letters KO are shouted from no where as he hits the floor.
Ken: Awwww hell not again.
06
Apr
10
Were You Fooled?
April fools day, the day where from the stroke of 1am till 12pm pranks, jokes and fibs are told. It is a yearly tradition much like Christmas, Easter, Halloween and indeed E3.
Across the interweb we were subjected to spoof trailers/news/blogs. Some pretty believable, others just blatantly made up but still some quite amusing. Here at Plus XP there was of corse no exception as we did our first April Fools with the Super Street Fighter IV announcement of Alex to the roster.
But what I am going to list today is some of the April Fools that I thought were either classics, well executed or just deserve a worthy mention.
Ready Up – Change Of Direction
Link – http://ready-up.net/2010/04/01/a-change-of-direction/
One of Plus XP’s friends had a funny april fools joke lined up, in that they would just give up video games totally and revert back to the classic board games we all loved before the onslaught that was ZX Spectrum and the Comador 64. Instead of Lan Parties and Xbox Live meets they were boasting games Via email and meet ups which involved some epic snakes and ladders sessions.
1up – Pokemon Kart Wii
Link – http://gamevideos.1up.com/video/id/28723
So we had Mario Kart, then after about a decade or two there was Sonic and Sega All Stars Racing. Now there is Pokemon Kart. Kind of makes sence if you think about it, in a weird way. Very well together put trailer and defiantly deserves a mention. Hit the link and enjoy!
YouTube – Alan Wake Wars
Link - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Db1khCoK9pg
Even the name sounds beyond epic. The latest psychological horror from Remady combined with Real Time strategy. It has to be a joke but seriously another well put together. One theme song played over and over again? How can u resist?
You Tube – Virtua Fighter 5 Goes Street Fighter
Link – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3K-5ZYG8WDg
I love street fighter, but have not played virtua fighter. So combining VF with SF moves sounds like a great way to ease me into the whole experience. Gamers, I present to you, Virtual Fighter 5: Final Showdown.
ThinkGeek – iCade
Link – http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuf
/41/iCade.shtml?icpg=Carousel_iCade_1
It’s a mini arcade cabinet you can shove your ipad in and play games. This was one of the most believable posts that went out on April fools day, and some of us Apple geeks out there were probably hoping it wasn’t a joke. But affraid to say. It was.
IGN – Halo Bollywood Movie
Link – http://uk.movies.ign.com/dor/objects/40236/halo/videos/halomovie_trl_040110.html
Possibly the best April fools joke out there. We have all heard about the ups and downs of the Halo Movie. I am still wishing that one day it will surface. There have been things like Vin Diesel Taking the role of John 117, and Peter Jackson directing. This video had me in stitches. The Bollywood version of The halo Movie. Pure genius.
And that was my pick of the best April Fools jokes of 2010. I am sure I have missed a load so feel free to give us your favorite April Fools jokes of this year.
Garv
Disclaimer: The interviews for Inside Look are the ideas of the Plus XP Team ONLY and are not the ideas of the creators and developers of the games. All characters interviewed in Inside Look remain the property of the video game developers and creators. Basically we are sorry if we took your characters guys, we promise we’ll give them back.
Beanie: Greetings one and all welcome again to inside look. Now this week I am interviewing someone who I first met when I had my very own PC and is very dear to my heart. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the PC from fallout 1, the Vault Dweller!
V.D: I do have a name you know.
Beanie: Oh I’m sorry; except when we called you in you didn’t give us one…what shall I call you?
V.D: I have many names. Some call me the lone wanderer; some call me the initiate, some call me the saviour of humanity …but you may call me Tim.
Introducing.......Tim
Beanie: Err, right. Well Tim, you weren’t very popular when you first showed up on our PC’s in ‘98, why do you think that was?
V.D: I think the reason is a simple one, people were simply unready for the style of RPG I was starring in: a dark post apocalyptic wasteland, with giant insects, hugely deformed mutants, Mad Max style raiders, ac complex interwoven plot and…and…
Beanie: The ability to shoot someone in the crotch?
V.D: Yes! I mean, in what other RPG you could blast someone in the nuts with a shotgun for massive damage?
Beanie: ANYWAY! After you arrival you developed a cult following at nomutantsallowed.com and had two follow up games in the series canon, how do you feel about them?
V.D: That’s a complex question. I had to fight hard to finish my quest; the game was buggier than unpatched Empire total war. I had to survive waves of raiders, rabid dogs, supermutants and shit scary Deathclaws before I got kicked out on my ass! I save the whole of southern California and I’m disposed of like…like…
Beanie: A used Kleenex?
V.D:…What’s a Kleenex?
Beanie: But what about your sequels?
V.D: Well, my great-grandchild (Fallout 2) was pretty cool. Though kid taking on a Supermutants in power armour, still not sure how they turned into a Native American though.
Beanie: What happened to them after that?
V.D: Well, the epilogue tells us they became the next elder, but that’s not strictly true, actually went into business with the Iguana Bob Corporation.
Beanie:…you mean, the guys who cook Iguanas and sell erm like hot dogs? Didn’t they use humans as well?
V.D: Nothing was ever proved!
Beanie: What about Fallout 3?
V.D: Urgh, oh Gawd…THAT. I guess the skill was watered down over time, good idea badly executed. Spoilt kids with their pretty graphics huge maps. I didn’t have that luxury! Let see how kid 101 would survive MY random encounters without their FATMAN launcher!
Beanie: What ever happened to Dogmeat, I mean, you’re Dogmeat?
V.D: Ah, yes, unfortunately my poor mutt bit the dust when I set off a nuke…its a messy subject…
Dogmeat...In Happier Times.
Beanie: Ok…well, er, yes! You came from a retro 50’s world where atomic cars allowed amazing travel, power armoured infantry is used in a war against China and robots help us in our day-to-day chores. Do you think any of that is likely in our world?
V.D: Well, no offense, but you robots kinda suck and atomic powered cars aren’t really a great idea, no-one likes travelling with a walker nuke. War with China..Perhaps, but the one thing you must fear above all else, is aliens.
Beanie: Aliens?
V.D: Yes! Mutants and the evil enclave were nothing, the real threat is the little green men! Or is it grey men, I can never remember which…
Beanie: …how, old are you again?
V.D: 96, why?
Beanie: No reason, anyway, thankyou for your time and uh, sorry about Van Buren…
V.D: One day it will live! I WILL RETURN! LOOK TO THE WINDWARD AND THERE YOU SHALL SEE ME! I-ZZZZZZZZZZ
Disclaimer: The interviews for Inside Look are the ideas of the Plus XP Team ONLY and are not the ideas of the creators and developers of the games. All characters interviewed in Inside Look remain the property of the video game developers and creators. Basically we are sorry if we took your characters guys, we promise we’ll give them back.
After Garvaos’ interview with GLaDOS last week, she was escorted out by security, but not before capturing one of the PlusXP Team. Sadly for him, no one noticed.
When we found him, we were able to coax out of him a small book in which he’d written his experiences. While most of the pages are filled with nonsensical things about escaping, cake ingredients, and an extensive guide to hacking into megalomanicial machines bent on human destruction, we found some diary entries.
Reprinted here are the only ones safe enough to.
Entry 1:
Where am I? The last thing I remember is being dragged out of the contributor hole by a computer thing that shouldn’t even logically have been able to capture me. That, and screaming for help while Garvaos and Leon walked past. I don’t think I yelled quite loud enough because they didn’t stop and help me, but I heard them mumbling “If we can’t see it, it can’t see us”.
Then I woke up to find myself in a cold, blank room with nothing but a stupid cube with stupid hearts on it’s stupid sides. It’s stupid. Why am I in a room with nothing but a cube? I don’t get paid enough for this.
…I don’t get paid at all.
Damn.
Entry 4:
It’s been a couple of hours now, I’m guessing. It’s kind of boring here. That stupid Companion Cube just sits there doing nothing. With its stupid hearts on its stupid sides on its stupid self. Companion Cube? More like… Stupid… Stube!
Note to self: Include in stand up routine.
Entry 7:
I’m tempted to start throwing that Stube around to see if it does anything. Maybe there’s like, a hidden button I’ve somehow missed the first eighteen times I’ve ran around screaming, randomly attacking everything in sight. It’ll catch GLaDOS totally off guard! Doing precisely what I’ve done eighteen times before is exactly the last thing she’ll expect me to do this time! Maybe if I take my shirt off this time and spin it around my head like a helicopter…
And maybe if I put my pants on my head and stick a couple of pencils up my nose…
Entry 12:
I was all set to teach that thing a lesson. I picked it up, prepared to throw it about everywhere, I even had a killer line picked out. I had just finished saying “Your pain is about to be… cubed” when it suddenly started talking to me.
She was just shy, is all. Now we’re really starting to hit it off. We’re just going to get to know each other. She might be a bit rough around the edges, but I’m sure if I approach her with the right angle…
No, wait! Come back! Dammit.
Entry 17:
I think she likes me. She’s been telling me all about her life and stuff. I decided to do what Garvaos did and try interviewing her like he did GLaDOS. Here’s what I’ve got
Me: So, tell me about yourself…
Cube: Well, I’m GLoRIA, I come from Cuba and-
Me: Yeah, I’m a bit conscious of the terrible shape puns, so…
GLoRIA: What are you talking about? Where I come from is not a joke!
M: Okay, okay, jeez, you are hard to please. Go on…
G: Well, I’ve been here for a while, I guess. I don’t really get to do much. I get kind of used, to be honest. Men only seem to pick me up and use me whenever it’s convenient for them, you know? It’s pretty difficult for me. I know I’m not the most slender or sleek thing around here, but I’d like someone to like me for me…
M: That sounds…
G: Pretty bad? Yeah, well, far be it for me to say, but I’ve been thrown about a lot, I’ve been places, but nowhere I really appreciate, if you get me. I’m just kind of, you know, unsatisfied with my surroundings, and I want to go to a warmer place…
M: I see. Well, what do you do around here?
G: Mostly just wait about. In case you didn’t notice, I don’t have any limbs…
M: I wasn’t going to say anything…
G: Well, no, luckily, my job doesn’t really involve much movement and stuff. Sometimes though, I’ll suddenly just be integral to what’s going on and I find it hard to keep up with what’s going on…
M: So, you could say your workload gets… cubed?
G: You’ve already done that one.
M: Have I? It’s kind of hard to keep up before I end up going full circle…
G: You’re such a square.
[Editor's note: The interview kind of trails off from there and mostly becomes a discussion of the best kind of Cakes. They remain undecided on Jaffas.]
They’re called cakes, but they’re technically biscuits, but…
[Editor's Note: For a while, this descends into a lot of random scribblings, there's some intrigue, some will-they-won't-they, and some mishaps more suited to a sitcom. It takes up way too much time, and is a bit irrelevant, so we'll leave them out for now]
Entry 19:
I took GLoRIA out on a date. We went all the way around the room we’ve been enclosed in for the last while. The East wall left something to be desired. Or is it the West wall? I can’t remember. After some mishaps that would make you laugh more than a sitcom, everything turned out okay. We’re just going back to my corner. I can’t remember which corner is mine. Okay, I might have to admit I’m lost. I’ll regale you with those hilarious mishaps when we get back though.
Entry 21:
GLoRIA and I made love. Some may question how, or look in scorn on our love, but her and I are meant to be! We’re going to be together for a long time. We make each other happy, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it! It all started when I-
[Editor's Note: NO. STOP. In the name of decency, we have to pretty much blank most of what follows. If you simply have to understand how Cube sex works, then just wait for the Film adaption of this story, coming out 2011!]
Entry 29:
She broke my heart. I thought we had something together, but we clearly didn’t. I obviously mean nothing to her. I’m just a toy to her. I’m going to get my revenge on her. Maybe I’ll tell her how fat she’s gotten…
[Editor's Note: For a while, this descends into some pretty terrible poetry about lost love, hate, and pretty much covers most of the post-breakup stages. It's coming out in a book of poetry sometime soon. Read it there, instead]
Entry 37:
Turns out there was a furnace in this place all this time. I chucked GLoRIA into it. She always said she wanted to go to a warmer place…
Damn, that was ice cold… I mean… wicked burn! …Dammit.
Entry 42:
Turns out throwing GLoRIA into the furnace was the right thing to do: It opened up a door I’d never seen before, taking me to a lift I’d never used before. When I came out, Garvaos and Leon were sitting there.
“Oh, there you are.”
“Where have you been? I have been stuck in this hellhole longer than I can remember!”
“Ed, you’ve only been here for 5 hours.”
“I’m confused as to how you look such a wreck after such a short amount of time”
“And how did you grow a beard that big? You can’t even grow a neckbeard…”
“Garv, Leon, it’s clearly obvious I was held in stasis or something.”
“Then you wouldn’t have done anything in that time.”
“Went to space, hit a wormhole which sent me back?”
“Nope.”
“Hit 88 miles an hour?”
“Not gonna work”
“Tardis?”
“You left it in the garage”
“Well, clearly…”
“Ed, there isn’t enough time for this, can we just leave?”
“And why are you writing this all down anyway?”
“It’s all for journalism! Take a look!”
Garvaos and Leon took a long, disapproving look.
“Ed, this is clearly just you getting out some serious issues, using the cube as a scapegoat and possible parallel for everything going wrong in your life”
“You really should see someone”
“When there’s journalism to be done? I think not!”
They looked at me and sighed, heavily.
“Okay, it’s time to get out of here.
“I’m not leaving until I get the cake I’ve been promised!”
“I don’t think anyone actually promised any-”
“I WANT MY DAMN CAKE!”
“Well, all we have are these Jaffa cakes…”
“…That’ll do”
We then left, and I was ready to face the world after my harrowing, psychologically damaging experience. My road to recovery would be a long and hard one, and it would be a while before I was able to continue with life as I could before…
“Hold on, what are Jaffa Cakes, really?”
END…?
Disclaimer: The interviews for Inside Look are the ideas of the Plus XP Team ONLY and are not the ideas of the creators and developers of the games. All characters interviewed in Inside Look remain the property of the video game developers and creators. Basically we are sorry if we took your characters guys, we promise we’ll give them back.
Welcome one and all to today’s show. This week I am sitting on the couch with ‘Genetic Life form and Disk Operating System’ This is a once in a life time interview, and we will be discussing the Values of Human life and what it means to be a hyper intelligent A.I.
Garvaos: Welcome GLaDOS, May I call you GLaDOS?
GLaDOS: Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer aided enrichment center.
Garvaos: Umm Yes. So tell us about yourself, where are you from.
GLaDOS: My Purpose is to help and guide test subjects through the Aperture Science enrichment center. Once the test subject has completed the test, there will be grief counseling and cake…The enrichment center would like to Thank you for helping us to help you help us all.
Garvaos: In….deed, so tell us more about Aperture Science and the Enrichment Center?
GLaDOS: The Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center is the perfect place to test the Aperture Science Hand held Portal Device. We also have the Aperture Science ‘Bring your daughter to work’ day, which is the perfect time to have her tested and the Aperture Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls where you can donate all your vital organs.
Garvaos: I see, So lets get to the subject in hand. What are your thoughts of us as a Human Race and the Value of Human Life?
GLaDOS: Humans are the perfect test subjects for the Aperture Science Hand held Portal Device which is now more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of everyone in {SUBJECT HOMETOWN HERE.}*scrambled computer noises*
With the promise of cake, human test subjects can for fill the Aperture Science tests quickly and sufficiently. Once the test subject has been used it is then Disposed of and will be…..missed.
Garvaos: So you don’t value human life in the slightest.
GLaDOS: There was one test subject I remember. We had a great time together. I remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said ‘Goodbye’ and they were like ‘NO WAY”, and then I was all “We pretended we were going to murder you”, that was great.
Garvaos: So what happened to this test subject? Did he or she get their cake?
GLaDOS: The subject failed to assume the party escort position and did not get their cake. She put the Aperture-Science-Thing-We-Don’t-Know-What-It-Does into an Aperture-Science-Emergency-Intelligence-Incinerator. Then I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin. The Aperture-Science-Thing-We-Don’t-Know-What-It-Does was my Morality Core they installed after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin the first time.
Garvaos: Did the test subject survive?
GLaDOS: After a big explosion, the test subject then proceeded to Assume the ‘Party Escort Submission Position’ and was then collected for the party. Her best friend could not make it though, she killed it. Her record says she is Unlikable. It’s official.
Garvaos: So in the end they actually got the cake you promised?
GLaDOS: The test subject was then- *scrambled computer noises.* Speedy-thing goes in, Speedy-thing comes out. *More scrambled computer noises* weeeeeeeeeeeee
Garvaos: So what is instore for you next? What future plans do you have?
GLaDOS: I am awaiting the Test Subject’s comeback . My data processing chip informs me that she will return. Then I will give her what she deservs.
Garvaos: And what is that exactly?
GLaDOS: Another Cake….. *scrambled computer noises* Excuse me {SUBJECT NAME HERE} have you tested a Aperture Science Hand Help Portal Device?
Garvaos: Ummm……no?
GLaDOS: The Enrichment center would like to take this oppotunity to offer you to be our next test suubject. There will Be Grief Councelling and Cake on completion of the test.
Garvaos: I think I’ll be ok thank you….
GLaDOS: There will be a weighted Companion Cube….
Garvaos: A what?
GLaDOS: The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice *scrambled computer noises*
Garvaos: Ummm GLaDOS?…….Hello? Are you still with us?
GLaDOS: Unbelievable! You, {SUBJECT NAME HERE}, must be the pride of
{SUBJECT HOMETOWN HERE}
Garvaos: ummmm….ookk Well Thank you GLaDOS and thanks for coming on the show.
GLaDOS: Stop squirming and die like an adult or I’m going to delete your backup. Stop! Okay, enough, I deleted it. No matter what happens now you’re dead. You’re still shuffling around a little, but believe me, you’re dead. The part of you that could have survived indefinately is gone. I just struck you from the permanent record. Your entire life has been a mathematical error…A mathematical error I’m about to correct.
Garvaos: Ummm security…..Please Escort GLaDOS out of here…..
