The sun shone down on the golden sands of Tropico as I longed on the beach with a cool glass of coconut milk. Then, out of the blur that was the background, a figure approached.
“El Presidente, there is a man here to see you.”
“Urgh, tell the US ambassador I’m not going to praise them unless they give us the plan to the power plant!”
“Er, president, he is not an American, he is British, says he says he is your boss.”
“Garvaos? Bring him over!”
“Si presidente!”
I sipped my milk and re-adjust my beanie, trying to look somewhat regal.
“BEANIE!”
An angry figure storms up the beach towards me.
“Oh hey Garv, wassup? What can El president do for you?”
“El president my arse! What are you doing!? Where are the reviews you promised me!? Why is your face on ‘Tropican Rum’?”
“Hey man chill. I just landed a sweet gig here. They needed a leader and I was available. Sorry about the lack of reviews, Manuel is still learning English, but he’ll have one done by next week I swear!”
“Oh well that’s alright then…no wait, no its not! I don’t care if you’re king-“
“Presidente!”
“…president of some Caribbean island, you have obligations! Now either you start your reviews or I revoke your staff writer status!”
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“Try me.” He said imposingly
“…Manuel! Escort Mr Gravaos to Ed international airport, see he gets a nice seat…”
“Si Presidente!”
“Not so fast! I brough some friends along to help persuade you to go back to work.”
“Oh yeah, good luck with that. What’cha gonna do? Force me to get on that plane?”
“Exactly.”
“You and what army?” I scoffed.
“Me and YOUR’E army!”
I looked down the beach in disbelief; all of the officers were lined up and weren’t looking happy.
“What did you do!?” I demanded.
“Oh they didn’t need much persuading, a few Xboxes and TV’s and they were only too happy to switch sides.”
“…Maneul, you won’t betray me for a game console will you?”
“Si president!” he said happily.
“…I’ll get my beanie…”
And thus begins my review of Tropico 3. I miss my personal dancing girls…
Tropico 3 is a society building simulator where you play the role of El Presidente, trying to hold onto power while you manage the needs of your citizens and your particular campaigns goals.
You can play any pre-generated dictator, like Castro or Guevara or create your own custom avatar. From there you choose your appearance from a painfully short list of options and then chose his or her traits as a ruler, how they come to power and their vices. While this is a nice addition from the previous Tropico games, it still feels lacklustre and unfinished. While I don’t mind playing a womanizing alcoholic man, it would have been nice to have some different options for a woman avatar, similarly, when the radio pronouncer Jaulito talks about in game events he doesn’t differentiate between male and female presidents.
I know it seems like I’m nit picking here, but I want you guys to realise that while Tropico 3 is a decent game, its let down by pretty minor annoyances and inconsistencies. Your citizens can also be incredibly unforgiving, especially in the later campaigns, becoming rebels if their every whim is not met near instantaneously. The learning curve is also pretty steep, even with the tutorial; it takes you awhile to get around the resource management in order to run your island economy. Are your citizens exporting Papaya and Bananas or eating them?
However! Once you get over these petty annoyances and cracks, you have an interesting and, well, quite addictive game in your hands. The island is beautifully rendered; the samba and jazz from the radio station may get a bit repetitive but really helps to give it that great Caribbean atmosphere. You can abuse your power to siphon off money into your Swiss bank account for your retirement, use your secret police to organise hits against those who would stand against you. But the most fun to be had is with the events that pop up during the campaign, such as when you discover that you are a hidden cyborg made by the FBI to rule an island.
The combat is unfortunately lack lustre and by the numbers, you can’t control your forces and it seems like as long as you have more men you’ll win unless it glitches out. The other campaign modes offer some variety and replayability to the game which is a welcome addition and you can upload your scores online to compete with other like minded dictators.
So ultimately tropic 3 is a mixed bag, for those who enjoy pretending to be a dictator and running an economy and population, this is the game for you. But if that doesn’t sound like your bag then give it a miss. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a score to settle with my manservant…
- That Bloke In The Beanie
